American Woman: Quite Contrary–It’s in Her Genes

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It’s no wonder men think we women are difficult. We are. We want conflicting things in most areas of life. And we expect our men to understand, accept and not complain about it because there is something genetic causing our preferences to be at odds. It’s natural.

The following is a representative list of contrary desires prevalent in American women. Mind you, there is no scientific research behind this compilation. It’s based on observations of my friends, peers, popular figures and fads; and decades of interacting with men and women socially and in a corporate setting. But, I think you’ll agree with me that the list is an accurate excerpt from life. (Or at least you will be somewhat amused.)marilyn monroe

  • We women want to be a size 4, but with DD sized boobies. (It’s a phenomenon, I know, but it’s not just guys who find a well stacked woman attractive. Most women want substance up top; not too much, not too little. We want to be juuust right–the ideal varying at least a couple of times per month.)

 

  • Yep, we want enough breast mass to create cleavage and bounce, but we still want only a 2-hook-wide closure on our gravity defying underwires. (The contrariness of this desire rests with the idea that ample bosom is womanly not boyish, but the back strap on gear hefty enough to restrain double Ds resembles the massive belt on a burly WWF contender.) 

 

  • We want decadent desserts to be calorie-free, but still taste so good we reach a Food-O. (All reduced calorie and calorie-free desserts fall short with their artificial sweeteners. And, those C&H wannabes are dangerous to your health. So, girls, have a strict policy of never faking sugar, and don’t settle for skim milk while cream is so much better in coffee.)

 

  • We want our cars to be sturdy, luxurious and fast, but gasoline efficient, too. (This contradiction is due to our natural aversion to spending money on stuff we can’t wear, smell, taste, see or sit on. Think about it. Don’t you despise paying for insurance and fuel? Insurance–you buy hoping you’ll never use; fuel–you put in the tank and then set out to burn it up, sometimes just idling on the freeway stuck behind a gigantic truck. At those times you can’t even justify the purchase of a tankful as enjoyment of the proverbial journey over the destination. You can’t drink fuel in a pinch. You can’t run it in your car and your bath. Nope. It is one of the most expensive single purpose necessities you can’t soak in, match to your wardrobe or pair with wine. You just trade $75 for unleaded kindling and spark start it. You don’t even get to curl up near romantic glowing embers.)

 

  • We want our men to be bad boys at first, but nice guys in the long run. Yep, the bad boys who are confident, impulsive thrill seekers turn us on. We want a guy with a little dark triad going on. Why? Because they are more likely than mannerly good boys to suggest a spontaneous swept-up-in-the-moment-by-you sort of Harley Davidson ride to romp on a moonlit beach. We women were made to reward courageous risk-taking behavior when displayed on our behalf. After the sweeping of us off our feet, however, we want our man to be a stable, sensitive intellectual who appreciates fine art, and grows a garden; who knows exactly when to comment on our curves and, conversely, when to praise our depth of knowledge on current events; when to be raunchy / when to act with decorum. We want them to want us–our girly bits, our hearts, our heads and our loyalty.

We want them to be a masculine blend of light and dark forces, both trustworthy and mysterious; masterfully competent, but not aggressively competitive–at least not competitive with us. For us, yes!

We want you men to be smart, but not driven to outshine us at every possible opportunity. We want you to take care of us and yourself, which sometimes means consulting a doctor, a lawyer, a personal trainer, or . . .even us. We know stuff. And we’re willing to share most of what we know if we think you will value it. Otherwise we’re likely to keep it to ourselves, and watch quietly as you engage in trials and errors only to discover, but not acknowledge, we were right to begin with.

We want you to teach us without lecturing. Show us without bragging. Be attentive without smothering. Be responsive without fixing, unless, of course, we hint, imply or make a noise indicating we want you to fix it–whatever IT is.

If you men can do those things, we women are much more likely to wear matching underwear and control our inherent tendency to be contrary.

P.S. I just read that there are some things men do at meat markets, thinking they’ll attract women but turn them off instead. These are:

Talking

Complimenting

Acting interested

Being nice

Now, go out there and sweep us off our feet.

Vive la difference!

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