Top 10 reasons Obama wants to bomb Syria

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You knew there had to be SOME kind of logic behind it. NSA spooks tapped the strategy meetings and gave us the 411 on the DL.

The top ten reasons Obama wants to bomb Syria:

  • 10 : Chuck Hagel, John McCain, and John Kerry – whose collective IQ just breaks 100 – say it’s a great idea.
  • 9 : Obama wants desperately to prove to somebody – anybody! – that he’s a man. Can’t-Hoop-in-Chief doesn’t win you the House in 2014.
  • 8 : siding with Al Qaeda worked out so well in Libya.
  • 7 : it’s a proxy war – Obama would prefer to bomb Texas and Arizona, but they would fight back. And win.
  • 6 : it’s something to do between vacations.
  • 5 : it’s not to distract from unemployment, the debt ceiling, the economy, or scandals like IRS, EPA, State, DOJ, Benghazi, Fast & Furious, and NSA: oh no, it’s to distract from how AWESOME Obama is!
  • 4 : Chrissie Matthews hasn’t had a stiffie since that “leg tingle” episode in 2008. Piers Morgan hasn’t had one since Neville Chamberlain put on a tight bathing suit. Chuck Todd didn’t know there was such a thing. Obama getting his man on and bombing something would be like Obagra (or Obalis?) for the entire LeftStream media.
  • 3 : the “best if used before” date on all those missiles was about to expire anyway.
  • 2 : Obama has a chronic case of George W Bush Envy. It’s treatable only by excessive manly displays: driving a Ford F-150 pickup; spitting; wearing a belt with a big buckle; eatin’ some wings; sassing back to the Wookie in the West Wing; and bombing somethin’.

And #1 in the list of reasons Obama wants to bomb Syria…..

  • 1 : bomb-bomb-bomb, bomb-bomb-Iran sounds too much like a song.

[h/t I have to admit, it was inspired by AOSHQ: Top Twenty Wisecracks About John Kerry’s and Chuck Hagel’s Catastrophic Senate Testimony]

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The weapons had evolved, but our orders remained the same: Hunt them down and kill them off, one by one. A most successful campaign. Perhaps too successful. For those like me, a Death Dealer, this signaled the end of an era. Like the weapons of the previous century, we, too, would become obsolete. Pity, because I lived for it.

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