Chicago Cop Union Wants Pay Indexed to Murder Rate

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Yup, higher murder rate, higher pay. I’m kidding about the title, but then it’s hard not to go there…

I see unions as always are totally “getting” that whole merit pay thing. The city faces a “looming pension crisis” according to The Godfather, Mayor Rahm Emanuel, and the murder rate has gone up 16% in the last year. So naturally, the Fraternal Order of Police thought now was a great time to ask for a raise for local cops.

When I say “ask for a raise”, I mean it in the union sense, naturally. Check it:

  • 12% raise over 2 years – about the national average these days, right?
  • pay less for health insurance – because ObamaCare has everyone else paying less.
  • increase uniform allowance to $2100 annually – For beat cops only? Nope.
  • reduce number of merit-based promotions from 20% to 10% – because….ok, why do unions hate merit-based promotions?
  • $3000 annual stipend for living in Chicago – perhaps they win this one with the ‘hazard pay’ argument.
  • reach top pay by 20 years instead of 25 years – meaning the raises come even faster.
  • retire squad cars and all other police vehicles after 90K miles – Really? When was the last time you heard of a non-union-built car that didn’t go at least 180K miles before it became maintenance-heavy? I think the answer was in the question.

Union president Michael Shields said the union demands requests were “realistic”.

Isn’t he cute?

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The weapons had evolved, but our orders remained the same: Hunt them down and kill them off, one by one. A most successful campaign. Perhaps too successful. For those like me, a Death Dealer, this signaled the end of an era. Like the weapons of the previous century, we, too, would become obsolete. Pity, because I lived for it.

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