RODNEY LEE ON TAP

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Here’s what’s going on:

OPENER
Many Americans expressed concern at the advent that Barack Obama would leave out, “So help me God” and not place his hand on the Bible during his second inauguration Sunday. He did both, however…

… But when he put his hand on the Bible, it started smoking… – not good…

BUSINESS
Fast-food chain Subway has responded to an Australian teenager’s claim that their “footlong” sandwich is only 11 inches, saying it’s merely a name and not intended to be a measurement of length…

… Next they’ll be telling us that you can’t actually ride their subways, either.

WORLD NEWS
The country of Afghanistan produced yet another record poppy harvest this past year, and is once again the world’s biggest supplier of heroin…

… Keith Richards said; “Go America!”

ENTERTAINMENT
Rumor has it that George Lucas and Steven Spielberg are contemplating yet another Indiana Jones sequel…

… This time Harrison Ford will travel by bus to Canada in search of affordable prescription drugs for seniors…

POLITICS
Lawmakers in Florida have passed a bill making it illegal for massage parlors to operate between 10 p.m. and 6 a.m….

… And it turns out most parlors are happy ending those hours…

MEDIA
Sarah Tressler, a reporter who was fired from the Houston Chronicle last year after she was outed as a stripper has landed a new job with the San Antonio Express News as a breaking news reporter…

… Her fellow journalists say they can hardly wait for “casual Friday”…

SPORTS
Disgraced cyclist Lance Armstrong told Oprah Winfrey his most humbling moment was having to leave his foundation…

… After the interview, he took his ball and went home… ooh – ‼

TECHNOLOGY
At Caltech’s TEDx Youth talk, Yehya Nasser, a seventh-grader at Pasadena’s New Horizon School, rattled off 160 digits of pi from memory in 36 seconds…

… He spent the rest of the day fighting off the babes…

DEAD, DIVORCED, MARRIED, PREGNANT OR IN JAIL
Since being divorced from Hilary Swank, Chad Lowe says he is now concentrating on directing…

… He gets half her earnings from her acting and she gets half of his tips at Appleby’s.

WEIRD
Police in New Rochelle are searching for a vandal who has damaged numerous vehicles by hurling fruit at them as they drive by…

… It’s simple: Ban their arms… then they won’t be able to throw fruit. See what I did there?

FINALLY
According to her parents, a stripper in Cleveland who fell from a second floor balcony to her death while giving a customer a lap dance, was an organ donor and wanted to help people after she was gone…

… Yes, and with a little luck, those implants will go to a person in real need….

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About Author

Rodney Lee Conover

Rodney Lee Conover is a writer, producer and Senior Editor at JoeForAmerica.com

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