Well, we all knew it was coming, Sen. Dianne Feinstein’s (D-CA, AKA the ghost of Ted Kennedy in drag) amazing bill that will end gun violence in America. Many images flood my mind when I think of the Senator from California: sexiest woman alive, the mean grandma that would zip your balls up after you took a tinkle, Gollum, or perhaps most fitting, Dolores Umbridge, the evil head schoolmistress in the Harry Potter series (yes, I went there). You can count on Dianne every time the topic of gun control legislation is brought up.
Now she has introduced her “new” bill, even though similar firearm restrictions have had zero effect in her own state. Basically, it bans the sale, transfer, importation, and manufacturing of:
• 150+ firearms, including rifles, shotguns, and handguns
• Certain semiautomatic rifles, handguns, shotguns that can accept a detachable magazine and have “one” military characteristic
• Semiautomatic rifles and handguns with a fixed magazine that can accept more than 10 rounds
If you are fortunate enough to already own one of the above mentioned firearms before the Bill should pass (which hopefully it never will), you will be subject to:
• A background check of you and any transferee
• Registration of the type and serial number of the firearm
• Positive identification, including photographs and fingerprints (and perhaps a blood test to check your DNA for the “Evil Gene”)
• Certification from local law enforcement to confirm that your possession of such items would not violate State or local law
In a nutshell, that is her fantastic bill that will end gun violence and cause a rebirth of morality in America. In her words, “The purpose (of my giant pile of crap bill) is to dry up the supply of these weapons over time. Therefore, there is no sunset on this bill.” In my words, if it passes, go to Walmart, buy the largest container of Petroleum Jelly, lube, and bend over, because here comes the rod of government deeper into our lives whether we like it or not.
Mr. Ags writes for Joe for America and welcomes your feedback: firstname.lastname@example.org
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